Do you know what I’ve realized lately?

There’s a fine line between self-care and self sabotage.

And I think the online world, especially social media, has now crossed that line because we’re now being told to always put ourselves first, for example, always cancel, always walk away, always protect our energy.

But The thing is, when you run a business, especially if you’re doing it properly, that advice can feel tone deaf as hell.

So this is another one of my personal interludes where I get vulnerable about some of the bullshit that I’ve fallen for and how I’ve let it affect my business and my life.

So today, this episode, I’m talking about what it really means to prioritize yourself as an entrepreneur, because trust me, it’s not as easy as it sounds.

Hello and welcome to Sniffing Out the Bullshit, a podcast for ambitious entrepreneurs who want help wading their way through the bullshit jungle of entrepreneurship and then the tools, skills, and mindsets that are actually required for success.

I’m your host, Sabrina Chevannes, the no bullshit entrepreneur.

So let’s talk about this.

Put yourself first culture.

Like I don’t really think it was that prevalent until after COVID because the pandemic really put a lot of stuff into perspective and people started realizing that the way they were doing life before was not actually the optimum way of doing life right.

So I totally get it.

We should be putting ourselves first more.

We shouldn’t slave away purely for the benefit of others.
And I will totally hold my hands up here because I don’t prioritize myself enough.

I’ve always been like about putting on everyone else’s oxygen mask first before I even touch mine and I’ve been like that all my life.

It’s just who I am.

But I’m working on that because I am aware that if I do not look after myself, then who is going to be around to look after the others?

So prioritizing myself is something I definitely need to improve on.

However, what bothers me is that we’ve turned self-care into some kind of excuse.

An excuse to ghost people, to avoid responsibility, to justify laziness.

And then we’re dressing it all up in these Wellness quotes and pretty graphics.

And obviously this stuff naturally does really well on social media, because who isn’t going to be inspired by a world where we have less work to do, right?

You.

You basically hear a post saying do less work, speak to fewer people and actually earn more money.

And while it said confidently and semi promising you that it’s really that easy, of course you’re going to lap it up.

Who wouldn’t?
But sometimes I even see these posts and I think, Oh yeah, I really should be doing that.

I need to say no more.

I need to take the afternoon off and just have some me time.

I used to tell that pirate to just F off.

I do really resonate with it sometimes.

But The thing is, when you’re running a business, especially if you’re in the early years of that business, you don’t always get to do what feels good in the moment because you’re not just trying to feel good, you’re trying to build something that matters, hopefully.

So.

I constantly have this battle when I’m working with clients, for example, I have a clear scope of work or set hours I’m supposed to do each month.

I should stick to these to ensure that I’m not getting exploited and any of the self-care gurus will tell me that I need to introduce clear boundaries.

The problem is, I also want to do a good job.

I actually want my clients to get great results.

I’m not just here to collect the money, do the bare minimum and then banned on to the next client because that’s how it feels.

Many people are right, they’re just trying to get what they can and collect the money and go and you know, that’s often how it feels for employees and a job that don’t enjoy that job, right?

They say and like it’s just a job at the end of the day.

And so they’re there to do it, not necessarily go above and beyond and they cut their wages and they go home and you know what, I usually think that’s completely fair enough.

Like if you have no love for your job and you’re doing it because you have to earn a living, then why would you go above and beyond, right?

You’re doing your jobs description.

If you’re being subpar, that’s when it becomes a problem.

But if you’re doing your job, there’s nothing wrong with that.

But if you’re an entrepreneur and you’re running your own business, you should be wanting to go above and beyond every single day.

Because if you’re not doing this because you love it, then why aren’t you just employed in a normal job?

It’s a hell of a easier, despite what the influencers say.

And you just do your nine to five.

You’re guaranteed a stable salary every month and you even get paid to go on holiday.

Like who wouldn’t want that?

The thing is, usually your job isn’t as fulfilling as running in your business, right?

That’s why lots of people do go into entrepreneurship, for example.

When you run your own business, the Sky’s the limit and you get the freedom to do whatever you want.

Sure, you’re not going to love every minute of it, but you should generally love what you do.

And if you do, then you’re going to want to put more effort in, right?
The problem is how much more effort is too much, if you see what I mean.

So like, I always go out of scope for my clients, right?

I always do extra hours on the retainer because I want them to get the results they deserve.

I want to show them that I’m worth the money and that I care about the project.

And am I wrong to do this?

Am I sabotaging myself by doing this?

Because that’s what the content on social media leads me to believe?

Like I’m going to suffer burnout because I’m doing too much and it’s this constant battle I have.

I, I mean, should I just say no whenever a client wants a meeting on a Friday afternoon or even a weekend?
Like should I say no if they want something done that’s out of scope?

Even if it would only take an extra hour and actually will really help the rest of my work?

Many people will say so.

They will say it should be an easy choice.

You just say no.

But to me, it’s not that easy.

I actually would prefer to do all those things to have a happy client, but I do need boundaries.

I need to let them know that this is extra and that I am doing it because I want to do it and because I’ve chosen to do it.

And then like I would have the opportunity to say no in the future and say that actually I need to charge for that piece of extra work.

If I’m very clear and communicate this and hopefully they will understand where my boundaries lie.

And that means I can’t then be taken advantage of.

But you know, in practise it’s it’s obviously not always that symbol.

And I feel like there’s also this like working hard because failure kind of pattern, right?

It, it plays into the whole anti hustle culture too.

Like people say, if you’re tired and you’re broken, you shouldn’t be working any late nights or weekends because you need to have a perfect work life balance and all that, right?

Whilst I love that there is an anti hustle movement to speak up against all those hustle Bros who say that you only need to sleep with your dad and you should have written 1000 word by 7:00 AM after your ice bath and all that.

But I also think that working hard doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.

Like if you choose to work late, you’re not flawed because you haven’t healed your relationship with rest all right?

That stuff really Wiles me up.

Running a business is hard, especially in the 1st 5 to 10 years, unfortunately.

Sorry for those who feel like it’s going to get better after six months.

It’s time.

And you know, if you’re willing to think about like opportunities constantly and learn faster than everyone else and like show up even when you don’t feel like it, then that’s the way that you’re, you’re going to get further.

Like, if you’re not willing to do all those things, if you’re, you’re thinking, OK, things will just come to me and I’ll just do go with the flow and and I will take days off whenever I can’t bothered.

You’re not going to make it in this world, right?

Not because you’re not good enough, but because that’s just how the game is rigged.

It really is.

Like over the last couple of weeks, I’ve actually been slipping back into my old ways.

I’ve been going to bed in the wee hours of the morning.

I’ve been at my desk and sort of at midnight while my husband and dog are already snoring away in the next room.

And I will then get into bed and I’ll do my do my dueling go and I read in bed until I get sleepy.

But The thing is, I don’t really get sleepy that early.

Whenever I try to go to bed early, I get agitated in bed and I end up getting up because my head is so full of ideas.

And I generally just work so much better in the evenings than I do in the morning because that’s how my body is wired.

But for a long time, I stopped working in the evenings because I believed I was creating some boundaries for myself.

And that’s what I was told to do.

A computer off by 6:00 PM and all that.

But what actually happened was that I deprived myself of my best creative hours.

I felt low in the mornings and I couldn’t produce a standard of work that I wanted to.

And I’m generally like, I will always sleep better if I’ve actually completed my To Do List in the evening rather than let it hang over my head, right?

I’m I’m more anxious about it in the morning then and I’m worried that I’m getting closer to crunch time.

And so I just find it easier and way more peaceful to just get it done the night before.

I know that sounds unhealthy to many people as most of the books say that you should keep warnings for your most creative times that.

But I just don’t function in the mornings.

I just can’t come up with any good ideas.

I usually start to come alive about an hour after lunch.

And you know, so many people say don’t do stuff after lunch because you feel tired.

I don’t.

So it’s all about understanding your own body and not letting other people make you feel guilty about doing what’s best for you.

For example, I will also happily put in a all nighter for a project that I’m super passionate about.

And if a client has a really tight deadline, but we’ve agreed to meet it like that’s, I don’t have to agree to meet it.

But once I have agreed to meet it, I have to do everything I can.

I know that after that, seeing those results, we’re totally worth it.

We will have helped out someone who deserves it and be proud of the work we’ve put in.

I’m not saying to do that all the time at all, but I believe that there are times when this is necessary if you want to succeed in your business long term.

This is not about glorifying burnout, but it’s about recognizing that sometimes the work is worth the stretch.

Now it’s going to happen a bit of water because my plates popped, right?

So in my LastPass on to, I actually talked along the snakes.

I talked about feeling used and abused.

It was very similar because it was about when you put yourself out there and you constantly help others, but they don’t seem to appreciate it.

It was the classic, you know, when you get asked for your brains to be picked or to just help out with the project, but actually there’s no money involved.

And then they expect you to kind of give up your time for free.

And it’s completely fine when as a friend, there’s someone like, you know, you know really, really well.

But when it’s someone who doesn’t really know you and they kind of just expects you to do this to and they they brand it with, oh, you’re supporting others and you’re giving back.

And then they even make you feel guilty for saying, though, I just think that’s that’s not cool.

And I’m a sucker for this sort of stuff because as I said, I want to do a great job.

I want to go above and beyond and I want people to feel looked after.

But sometimes I’m aware that I do definitely do it at my own expense.

Like I actually make decisions that financially hurt the business because I believe in playing a long game.

I believe in reciprocity, and I believe in people doing the right thing.

But the problem is sometimes people just don’t.

And this is the lesson I’m learning at the moment.

Because, you know, just because you always give back and you always try to be there for people who like you, know, when in their time and needs, it doesn’t mean that others will do the same.

I’ve had many situations like this over the years and I sometimes wonder why I keep doing it to myself, why I believe that people will change and eventually do the right thing.

And one client really stood out to me.

This was a situation which, you know, really hurt my team.

And you know, we’re still we’re still in pain from it.
Like, you know, it was a long time ago, but we are still affected by this and it makes us really rethink.

And I’ve had several situations since then, whichever kind of been very similar.

And it makes me just think, God spring, don’t do this again.

So context is they were entertainment venue, right?

That not that kind of entertainment venue, but they were a physical place.

And so during lockdown, so this was back in 2020 when the world went to share.

And obviously as a physical venue and same venue, they suffered massively.

And they said to us that they couldn’t actually afford to pay our retainer anymore.

So we got it.

I mean, we also suffered during lockdown.

Loads of people pulled the plug on our projects like this.

I know some agencies boomed during this time, but we didn’t.

We suffered and we decided to offer to help them out for free during lockdown until their business reopened, just because we wanted to support businesses during this ridiculous time.

Like we’d like to hope that people do support each other to get through difficult times.

And you all know how long lockdown is for, right?

So that’s just gives you an idea of how long we pause our invoices for.

And when their business reopened, it massively boomed so much that they opened up new venues all over the country and were bragging about how much money was coming in.

So they eventually commissioned us to design and build a new website because they were doing so well and they were expanding and they wanted to include all their new locations, et cetera, et cetera.

And obviously, instead of just building on that, they wanted to improve their UX and, and, and yeah, so they, they were, they, they asked us to do it, which was great.

And we were really happy to do this.
And we were super excited about this project.

We worked day and night to produce the best possible website for them and they loved it.

They said they couldn’t believe how quality it was and the level of detail in the UX that we had gone into.

And we were just so excited, like to put this website live until we got to a bit where they wanted a custom software integration.

And we’ve always agreed to integrate this third party software with an escape of work.

And we were liaising with the company, the software company throughout this process of how to go back doing this.

And you know, we were also aware that some of the functionality they wanted didn’t actually exist in that company software yet.

So we were always talking to their dev team about what the dev team needed to do and what was possible and what wasn’t.

But after months of back and forth, our client told us that we were actually responsible for developing this functionality because they couldn’t get the company to do it because it’s a big company and like a multi $1,000,000 company.

And they were just sort of like, no, we’re not doing this, obviously.

So they thought they’d come bully the small company.

And I was like, we’re not a software development company.

And this is definitely not in the scope of work.

But they insisted some like vague term going, oh, well, actually if it’s being integrated to the website, then it’s our responsibility because we’re responsible for the website.

I’m like, no, that doesn’t work like that.

And I was like, even if we could do it, like, and even if we, you know, wanted to charge you and digital fee and do it, we’ve got no one on our team who could possibly do it.

We’re not software developers, we are website developers.

It’s a very different thing.

So the founder decided to ask a mate for their opinion and their mate obviously told them that they could do it in just four weeks.

And it actually charged them less than what we were charging for the full website.

And they convinced their client like that, that we were whiffing them off and instead encouraged them to hire him instead.

This was gutting.

Like our team was so gutted it caused so many problems.

We’ve been back working on this for like months.

I mean, probably like 18 months, right?

And our client fired us because they thought they could get a better deal elsewhere.

They ignored the fact that we worked with them throughout lockdown for free, putting our own business under pressure with the lack of working capital and paying salaries for work bringing in no money.

You know, they just conveniently forgot about all that goodwill because they wanted to something else to benefit them as that broke our team’s hearts.

And part of me wished I’d been more selfish and prioritized ourselves at the beginning.

And you know, part of me felt guilty because I hadn’t done everything I could have for the client.

Should I have just found someone to do that dev work and soaked up all the cost?

Like absolutely not.

But because that alone would have been way more than we were charging for the whole projects.

But still, part of me felt guilty for not doing it.

So I just don’t think these things are ever so clear cut.

But it made me realize what people are like.

There was no way I would have treated someone like that who went out of their way to be nice to us during a time of need.

And do you know what the worst part of all of that was?

Is that the client got back in touch with us around two years later to desperately ask us to fix that agency’s work, saying that they still hadn’t produced a website two years later.

And actually they’d ripped them off to the tune of 6 figures because what he said he could do was all a lie.

And their website now it’s still the old version that we designed five years ago and the basic functionality is still there.

So they spent all that money and they have a worse site than what we would have done for them.

And so the client like got in touch and asked me to look at the work that needs to be done and, and said that they preferred our design and stuff and, and you know that there were they, right?

They couldn’t believe what happened and they were victim blah blah blah.

But guess what?

I didn’t hear from them.

Sorry. No apologies for what had happened or or any acknowledgement that they treated us like absolute shit but somehow still an expectation to fix the mess that they were in.

I mean we didn’t even get down to talking about costs.

I mean would they even paid us? I don’t know.

What do you think? Do you think we decided to work with them again?
Of course not.

So, you know, I feel like you could always learn from these situations and this stuff.

Like I said, I’m dealing with almost an exact situation like this again.

And it doesn’t happen that often, but it does happen because you’ve got to realize what people are like and protect yourself.

And yeah, prioritizing yourself means very different things in different ways.

And I think there’s that with the boundaries, but it’s, you know, like I said, it’s understanding what works for you.

And like for some this week, I’m talking a lot about morning routines, right?

I think that’s another buzzwordy kind of thing.

And people love talking about morning routines.

The the bullshit around it is actually my topic of this week.

And look, I’m not a morning person.

I I wish I was, but I’m really not.

Like I work best at night.

My brain lights up in the evening.

I do most of my creative work after most people have logged off, but the amount of guilt I felt about this unreal.

Because I see all the content out there.

Successful people wake up at 5:00 AM or you’re wasting the most productive hours sleeping past sunrise and it’s giving lazy energy.

No it’s not.

It’s giving circadian rhythm.

Right because not everyone has built the same and forcing yourself into a routine that doesn’t work for your body just because it looks good on Instagram.

That’s not discipline, it’s denial.

And so I had to say that I’m struggling at the moment with the health of to like develop a healthy sleep pattern.

I’m actually turning to data for my aura ring and trying to listen to my body and measure energy levels at the moment just to see what really works.

Because I know so many people also say you should work out in the mornings too because then you feel energized for the day.

But again, not me.

I actually prefer an evening workout.

I go eat some dinner afterwards, I watch some Netflix and then I’m actually tired and that’s pretty much the only way I can actually get to bed before midnight.

I get tired from the workout.

So I’m really working on not feeling guilty at the moment because of all the Super productive people who post their morning routines online.

I’m also really trying to put exercise in my diary too, because I think it’s going to help so many different ways, right?

And a trick that I’m, I’m trying to do at the moment is I schedule exercise and any sort of Wellness and, and privatization of that sort of stuff for myself in, in my calendar as if it was a meeting.

Then I can’t say I don’t have the time because if I choose to do something else because of it, that’s, that’s my choice.

And I then make myself do something ridiculous.

If I cancel on that appointment, which is going to the gym, I have to e-mail myself to say why I’m cancelling as if I would do it if I was cancelling on a client.

And I then read back the e-mail to myself.

And sometimes I feel so silly doing this.

So when I read back the excuse, I just think it sounds so unacceptable.

And then I have to go because if, if it’s a valid, valid reason and like a client would be like, OK, that’s valid, let’s reschedule, that’s OK.

But if it’s something so silly, imagine you go into a client.

Oh, sorry, I actually was behind on other stuff and I’m going to reschedule because I want to prioritize some like social media posts.

You’d be like, no, that’s not acceptable.

So it’s a kind of a little trick that I do to force myself into good habits.

But then again, I also believe that if you feel like you’re forcing yourself to do something that that you don’t want to do, then you’re not framing it properly yet either.

And I know that exercise makes me feel great and it actually helps me sleep better.

So it’s not even that for me because I go to the spa afterwards and that should also be super rewarding.

I should love that.

So if I don’t even want to go to the spa and would rather do some work instead of it, then something else is seriously wrong.

And if this is the case and this is when you really need to take Khan out to a flex, Oh wow, I think I just wanted to fly.

Wow, OK, that wasn’t good.

OK, I’m never going to edit that out.

I just feel like these are, this is like a bad bullshit podcast, isn’t it?

I mean, this is what happened.

Oh my God, Spotify.

Do you know what my dad would say during that situation?

He’d be like, oh, it’s extra protein.

Anyway, I remember it was, I was talking about, I guess I was saying that I need time out to reflect and, and actually that is exactly where I am at the moment, right?

It’s the start of a new quarter and I’ve just done a big reflection session because of 1/4 anyway.

And I realized that I really need to deprioritize some of the things I’m spending time on to then actually do things for myself.

Because I even, like, rush my walks with my dog because I have so much to do and it’s ridiculous.

So I want to just take and leisurely walk my dog.

I want to not say I don’t have time to relax.

I don’t want to insist on waking up early because I feel guilty that I’m not at my desk at 8:00 AM like everyone else, even though I went to bed at 3:00 AM.

So I got to remember that sleep isn’t optional.

Neither is good food or movement, right?

And I’m not a robot, and neither are you.

You don’t win an award for working yourself into the ground.

So just don’t do it.

The thing is, how do we find the balance?

Because yes, you do need to put yourself first, but not always, and definitely not blindly.

And it shouldn’t be an easy decision.

So if you’re someone who genuinely cares about people, about quality, about the mission, it’s supposed to feel hard.

So I wanted to give you a few questions I asked myself.

When I’m making a decision about what to do with my time, whether it’s skipping the gym, working late, prioritizing family time, or grabbing a local chippy because I don’t have time to cook, I ask myself these questions.

I ask, is this decision good for me and my business in the long term?

So not just today, not just this week, but say six months from now.

That’s question number one.

Question number 2 is, am I saying no to protect myself?

Or am I actually avoiding something uncomfortable because there’s a big difference between rest and resistance?

And then #3 is would I still make this choice if no one else would ever know about it?

This is not such a a big thing for me because I’m kind of got into I’m, I’m, I accept exactly who I am and why I do things.

But for others, this is a big one because I feel like self-care and everything else these days has become performative.

So I want you to make it private and make it real that this whole thing should only be about what’s right for you, not what anyone else thinks about it.

After all, you’re supposed to be prioritizing yourself, right?

Not everyone else’s opinion.

And I guess finally I would mute the content that makes you feel guilty for not being a perfect founder or a perfect yoiki or perfect morning person or whatever.

You definitely don’t need that energy.

So here’s what I will leave you with.

Prioritizing yourself isn’t easy and it shouldn’t be.

But if you really care about what you’re building, it’s going to feel like a constant juggle.

But the goal isn’t balance every day.

The goal is to make decisions you can live with emotionally, physically, and financially over the long haul.

Protect your energy, sure, but protect your mission too.

And if you’re trying to do both, I see you.

I feel you.

I’m definitely there with you.

And you know what?

Please just feel free to connect to me on social media channels as you will also see me struggling along my journey too.

And we can do it together.

We need support for our entrepreneurship journeys because they are a struggle from time to time, but they are so much easier when you have people around you who get it.

So that’s it for me this week, and I hope you found this episode useful.

But until next week, keep sniffing at the bullshit.