Are you happy?

Like genuinely happy?!

I’m going let that question sink in for a moment as actually, I don’t think it’s that easy to answer.

I wanted to do an episode on happiness as I am constantly seeing people give advice on “how to be happier”, like there’s a simple recipe for it. Or the insane encouragement for people to make lofty goals and do everything they can to achieve them.

This episode explores the science around happiness and why we feel the way we do, and what impact it has on our decisions.

So, let me go back to my first question – “Are you happy?” Why is this such a difficult question? I guess it’s because happiness isn’t actually that easy to define.

Sure – we have feelings of happiness… those neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin firing in our brain, giving us that euphoric feeling. But how long does that last and is this really what happiness is??

Well, in the world of psychology, there are two different forms of happiness… or “wellbeing” as they actually describe it, but psychologists can’t quite fully agree with the exact meaning behind each of them.

I’m talking about hedonic and eudaimonic wellbeing.

If you think this episode is about to get too technical for you, don’t worry, it’s not! These just sound like big, technical words, but it’s because of their Greek origin.

Hedonic comes from the Greek word “hedone” which means pleasure. So, Hedonic wellbeing often focuses on pleasure-seeking. So, hedonic happiness is all about maximising pleasure, and quite often, short-term gratification.

On the other hand, eudaimonic combines the words “eu”, which means good, and “daemon” which means guiding spirit. So, it’s like being in “good spirits”. It has been translated as meaning “true self”, which is why it’s related to self-fulfilment and virtue-oriented living.

So, looking at these definitions, hedonic happiness is likely to come from things like food and sex. Let’s face it, most people love these things. But of course, depending on the individual, you may get this same hedonic happiness from things like socialising with friends, or even playing computer games.

However, this feeling of happiness is usually higher than at other times. It’s a temporary, more elevated state and you usually return to a baseline level of happiness.

But this elevated feeling of happiness feels amazing. You feel pumped – like you can take on the world.

We as humans seem to chase this feeling – we keep trying to repeat this level of happiness. It’s why we buy nice things for ourselves, or why we try to achieve goals – we are on what is known as the hedonic treadmill.

When the euphoria dissipates and we reach our bassline level of happiness, we step back onto that hedonic treadmill and search for that new goal to achieve or a new desire to pursue.

This treadmill metaphor might be used colloquially nowadays, but it’s part of psychological research by Canadian psychologist Philip Brickman and American psychologist Donald Campbell. They developed a theory called Hedonic Adaptation Theory.

In this research, they don’t just talk about happiness and how that falls back down to a bassline level, but they also discuss how humans do this with grief or trauma too. Over time, the trauma feels less painful – “time is a healer” and all that!

I guess the question is – why is this bad??

Well, if you think about it – we’re like drug addicts… we’re constantly chasing the next high. Except the drug is dopamine.

Now, before neuroscientists have a go at me and say this is scientifically wrong, I am not saying you can get addicted to dopamine. I know that’s not quite true.

What I’m saying is that our quest for our next dopamine hit is much like what drug addicts do. Drug addicts seek their drug of choice, which makes them feel good, which in turn activates your brain’s reward centre and then releases dopamine.

Now, this then makes the brain pay more attention to the experience and you get a strong memory of the pleasure that you felt while doing the activity. In the case of a drug addict… that’s shooting up or something.

This memory makes you seek out more of that, so that you get that same pleasure again. Hence drug addicts are constantly on the look out for their next hit.

Now, just replace drugs with something else that gives you a dopamine hit. It could be something that people consider to be unhealthy – cupcakes maybe (totally me!), computer games or even sex. That last one could be considered unhealthy depending on who you’re having sex with!

But these activities could also be considered healthy – doing exercise is a really common one, for example.

So this is why I’m comparing it to a drug – because it leaves us wanting more.

Too many drug use actually messes up our brains and overstimulates the reward centre – that’s why it causes a whole host of problems.

Now, we shouldn’t have those issues when we’re dealing with our everyday pleasures, which is why it’s a lot more manageable.

However, this constant pursuit for MORE – that search for the next hit is what causes this hedonic treadmill.

Each new achievement only brings a fleeting happiness and so they need to go swiftly onto the next thing.

This causes a whole host of problems.

First of all – we get these rollercoaster of emotions… constant dissatisfaction or disappointment. When the anticipated boost in happiness fades, it can lead to a sense of emptiness and frustration.

This is like when your shiny new thing isn’t so new anymore. It’s also common in relationships – people expect to feel like they did in the “honeymoon phase” all the time. And when it doesn’t – and it goes to the bassline of happiness – they seek more. And that’s when the problems arise.

This constant search for happiness can also lead to stress and burnout.

Let’s turn to entrepreneurship for a moment. We are constantly making goals for ourselves. Because that’s what society teaches us to do. In fact, that’s even what business school teaches us to do.

There’s a whole module in many MBA courses on KPIs and goal-setting. While there are definitely reasons why you should create goals, the constant pursuit of achieving them can cause so many mental health problems.

There’s always a chase for more and entrepreneurs are already under a lot of stress as it is and so it’s no wonder it leads to burnout.

This activity is usually down to needing external validation. We want others to see us as wealthy or successful, or intelligent. We try to achieve more and more so we can showcase our goals to other people. That’s why social media has made it even worse for people and it’s causing more anxiety than ever.

If any of these points resonate with you – please do go back and listen to my previous episodes on these topics.

In episode 13, I talk about goal-setting and the damage it can cause if not done correctly.

Then, in episode 15, I discuss the dangers of comparing yourself to others and I talk about what drives you.

Because this is what it comes down to – are you driven intrinsically or extrinsically? The hedonic treadmill often focuses on extrinsic goals – money, fame and image. But intrinsic goals (personal growth, relationships) are more strongly associated with long-term happiness.

So what can we do to try and get off this hedonic treadmill? There’s not really a STOP button like on a regular treadmill, so how do we counteract the effect it’s having on our wellbeing?

Well, focusing on intrinsic goals and thereby building more meaningful relationships in your life will help this.

I’m not a very “woo” person and I know a lot of people talk about gratitude and mindfulness and it all sounds very… erm… well, “woo”. But it doesn’t have to be.

You don’t necessarily have to have a gratitude journal and write in it every day, but you can practice gratitude. Just take a step back sometimes and realise how lucky you are in this world.

It does help to write them down and I do have a gratitude journal that I use, albeit not every day. I love writing in it and it genuinely uplifts my mood and helps me get out of tough situations as I don’t feel as “hard done by” when I reflect on all the great things in my life.

Likewise, mindfulness doesn’t need to mean meditation. You can just be more present. That means not being on your phone all the time or consuming information. You can go for a walk in nature and just observe things. On your commute, just notice who’s around you. Don’t even listen to a podcast! Yup – I mean it… turn it off if you want to be more present!

You suddenly appreciate the here and now when you do things like that. And it’s healthy to listen to your thoughts once in a while.

We’re all guilty of this though – I know I definitely am. I’m incredibly competitive and so I’m always trying to achieve something.

I have told myself countless times that “When I achieve this thing… it’s gonna be AMAZING and it’s going to change everything!”

It’s never that way.

And that’s all thanks to the damn Arrival Fallacy. That mistaken belief that achieving a specific goal or reaching a certain milestone will bring lasting happiness and fulfilment.

It’s this same HAVE-DO-BE problem: We all have it in our heads that if we just HAVE this thing – for example – more money, then we can DO these things… in order to BE the person that we want to be.

Think about that for a moment – I bet you’ve done that in some way. I certainly have.

“If only I could have X…” and you start thinking about all the amazing possibilities that could happen to you if you just HAVE that thing.

But this is completely backwards.

I know the Dalai Lama is attributed to saying: “You need to want what you have… not have what you want – that’s how you get lasting satisfaction.”

Stay with that for a moment – I know it can be confusing.

But he’s saying the same thing as this HAVE-DO-BE issue – having what we want is what causes us problems. We need to do it in reverse.

So, we need to BE-DO-HAVE.

I.e. Start with who you want to be. What INTRINSICALLY motivates you? Only then you can work out what you need to do to be that person. You can then focus on what you will have afterwards.

For example, many entrepreneurs I speak to want to become an author. In fact, they want to be a “best-selling author” and top the NY Times list.

So, if that’s your goal – who do you need to be?

You probably need to be very disciplined, to be able to write a huge number of words before a deadline. You’d also need to be knowledgeable in your field, passionate about your work and very creative to come up with a best-selling book.

So then… what do you do to become that person? This is how you set your tasks – how many words per day should you write? How do you improve concentration and focus? How do you increase creativity – do you need to change where you write or activities you do?

You can create a plan around the person you want to be.

Only after all this, you can start to think about what this person will have.

This is such a powerful way of thinking and it actually really helps you to set goals properly.

Take the best-selling author goal again. Having that as an ultimate goal – a destination for you, can cause some issues. For example, in order to actually become a bestselling author, there are many things that are going to be out of your power.

For example, you need to find a book agent these days and they have to have good relationships with the publishers. The publishers also need to have your manuscript at the right time and even if one person likes it, others may not.

BUT, if being what it takes to be a bestselling author is what you want, then you have full control of that.

It’s all about focusing on journey rather than the destination – being much more process driven rather than results-driven.

I think so many people fixate on goals and these absolute values of their goals. Then, when they don’t hit them, they’re unhappy.

However, if we focus on the process – embrace all the learnings and the immense progress we make along the way, even if we don’t hit that particular goal… we’re still winners! By focusing on the process, we know we’re doing things right and always growing.

So, if goal-setting is so bad, what do we do about it?

Well, goals are great to an extent – they get us working towards something, they push us to be better. As long as it’s not toxic.

The usual goals are something to do with money, power, pleasure and image. They’re all to do with this. If you think about one of the number one goals – to lose weigh… it’s related to image.

Image is usually extremely extrinsic – it’s what you want other people to see. Whether you want them to think you’re beautiful, have a great body, are intelligent, are famous etc… it’s purely extrinsic.

All of these things just set you up for disappointment. For example: “people will love me more if I’m thinner or more successful”.

If you think like this, then you will never be happy. You’re always doing this for someone else and the feeling will go back down to the bassline and you’ll be back on that hedonic treadmill in no time.

So, you need to ensure your goals are fully intrinsic.

But what does that look like?

Well, I’ve heard a lot of different models about this, but I’m going to talk about the original wellness model. Martin Seligman’s PERMA+ Model, which actually is based on the work of OG psychologist Abraham Maslow.

What I like about the PERMA+ Model is that it includes both hedonic and eudemonic components, which sets it apart from other theories of wellbeing.

The five components are:

Positive Emotion
Engagement
Relationships
Meaning
Accomplishments

This PERMA model makes up the Wellbeing Theory, known as WBT, and research has shown significant positive associations between each of the PERMA components and physical health, vitality, job satisfaction and even life satisfaction.

So, I’ve also heard of this model be described as SPIRE:

Spiritual
Physical Wellbeing
Intellectual
Relationship
Emotional

Which I believe is Tal Ben-Shahar’s five components of happiness.

I think they’re very similar and just shows you that there are many elements to happiness that you need to consider.

Oh, in fact, I forgot to mention what the + was in PERMA+. That refers to the other areas that are important contributors to happiness, which are:
Optimism
Nutrition
Physical Activity
Sleep

So, this makes a lot of sense and shows that a fully well-rounded approach to life is required to be happy.

But whether you look at the SPIRE or the PERMA+ model, it’s quite clear that wealth is not a replacement for purpose.

It’s absolutely fine to want more money and power, but this is usually in order to get the freedom so you can have more time with your family.

These goals are OK IF they are to improve the five main pillars. They can be intermediate goals. But you need to have truly intrinsic goals to find real happiness. And not just that fleeting feeling.

Wow, I feel like that’s been quite an intense episode, and one that’s hopefully been quite thought-provoking.

I know that learning about this topic has really helped me change the way I approach things and it’s made a huge difference on my mood and my mental health. So I hope it helps you too.

That’s it from me today and hopefully see you next time on Sniffing Out the Bullsh*t!