Look, I think it’s partly generational, right?
And if I think about my father, who ran sort of big agency networks back in those days, agencies or businesses, they were dictatorships effectively, in the nicest possible way, but they were run by one, maybe two people, and they told everyone what to do and everyone delivered, and that’s how it worked.
I think probably my generation has been sort of somewhere in between, where we’ve sort of learned some of that through learned behaviors, but we’ve also found a way to bring in a little bit more, let’s call it emotional intelligence.
And I think probably the next generation will be far more open, far more transparent, far more vulnerable, and that can only be a good thing.
I think, and this is a really interesting talking point in general at the moment, but I think there has been an overcorrection on a lot of things.
Okay.
We are living in a state of overcorrection, and out of overcorrection comes the Donald Trumps of this world, it comes extreme opinion, and it’s happening at a time where algorithmically there’s no room for nuance anymore, right?
You’re either left or right, or you’re blue or you’re red, or whatever it is, there’s nothing in between.
But the overcorrection will settle towards more of a middle ground.
It will happen over time, and I think as a result, I think we’ll be in a far better place.
I just don’t think we’re there right now.
I don’t.
I mean, it’s going to be hard to know when we’re going to be there as well.
I think that people seem to jump on bandwagons, right?
Like you said, trends, whatever you want to call it.
I mean, I think I agree with you with the overcorrection.
We’ve gone from never talking about weaknesses to now talking about it all the time, and it’s almost glamorized to make mistakes and things like that.
And, you know, again, the transparency thing, people are now being very, very open and transparent, so much so that people are using it as an excuse to just be a bit of a dick, you know?
Like, “Well, I’m just being myself. It’s my authentic self.”
And, “Well, you know, it’s my truth.”
Exactly.
It’s just exactly.
So there are things of that.
I think that definitely, like with everything we said, there has to be a happy medium.
But, you know, I think that also comes down to what you said earlier about masks.
Like, do people really know who they actually are?
I think deep down, aside from what you mentioned, that you were being someone that you thought you had to be, like that strong leader or even the person that you thought your dad would be proud of.
That’s who you were trying to be.
But, you know, how do you know who you really are?
How do you know when you’re…
Well, I’m 50 this year and I still don’t know.
It’s a process, right?
It is a process.
I would say I’m quite self-aware.
I’ve done a lot of work, and I’m getting to a point now where I’m a bit more accepting of who I am, but I still don’t know the full story, and I’m learning all the time.
And I think that’s okay.
I think most people are.
There’s a lot of mental health issues specifically for men 40-plus, and it’s not a surprise when you think about it.
And this all comes back to what we’re talking about because men 40-plus are in a state of decline physically, professionally, mentally, in a number of different ways, and their egos are attached to their work.
And as work starts to flatten out or decline, their career starts to move at a different pace.
Who they are is called into question.
And we’re so committed to our work, and we think work is everything, that all of a sudden we have to ask ourselves that difficult question: “Who am I when I’m not at work?”
“Who am I when I’m not married anymore?”
And they’re very, very tough questions to ask if you haven’t done the work.
So it’s not a surprise that we’re seeing, sadly, men commit suicide at a rate of I think it’s four times that of women because they’re going through a lot of this at a time where you’re no longer allowed to be masculine anymore.
Yeah.
So it’s quite difficult at the moment.
And that’s why I think conversations like this are really important because it doesn’t take too much to just come out and say, “I don’t know who I am, but I’m okay with that. I’m learning.”
But does it take… I think that sounds quite a lot.
That’s quite a big statement you just said.
I feel like that’s a big thing to say, that you don’t know who you are and you’re learning.
I feel like a lot of people can’t say that.
I would think.
I mean, who is truly aware of who they are and what their purpose is and what their identity is?
A lot of people don’t ask themselves those questions, and they’re not forced to ask themselves those questions until they absolutely have to.
But when we do ask them, I don’t think a lot of people have the answers.
I might be wrong.
I’m now sitting here questioning myself.
Do I?
So it’s got very deep.
But I like… what should I say?
Should I say I do?
Like, no, if you do, amazing.
No, no, it’s amazing if you do.
But it’s also okay if you don’t, right?
I think it’s important to talk about this stuff.
But is that also generational, gender?
All that stuff comes into it, right?
Like you just said, you’re a man in your 50s.
Sorry, I know how offensive we’ll be about your 50s, but get past that.
You know, you’re in that generation.
I think there was less acceptance of being who you are, and there is now, right?
I think that it’s become a lot more accepting to be different and just express yourself, no matter what that looks like.
I don’t think it was quite the same maybe.
No.
I mean, I was effectively brought up not to ask for help, not to show vulnerability or weakness.
It was made very clear to me that’s not something that you do.
So, you know, even talking like this would, of course, be frowned upon.
I don’t have the same view.
And the way I raise my children is very, very different.
I want them to understand what it is to be emotional.
I want them, if they are sad, to cry, or if they’re angry, to shout.
I really want them to be in touch with their emotions because if you’re not, it can lead to a decline in mental health later on in life.
You mentioned you had burnout on numerous occasions.
The inability to talk about how you really feel and, like you said, all that pressure.
I cannot believe it was three years of having to keep secrets, being under that pressure, having to make those decisions, lying to people when you really want to be open, not being able to spend time with your family.
All of this stuff is not easy, and doing it all at the same time.
How much did that contribute to burnout, and how much of a relation is there to burnout and this identity crisis?
A lot of it.
It’s all interlinked.
And I would say to anyone listening, the one thing I didn’t do that I should have was listen to my body.
My body was telling me all along I was really in a bad place.
I almost lost my leg at one point because I contracted a rare disease in Singapore, and they couldn’t figure out what it was.
And I almost lost my leg.
And I promise you, I was in hospital.
My leg had blown up to probably three or four times the size of my other leg, and they didn’t know what it was.
And I asked my wife to bring a tuxedo to the hospital, and I put a tux on and I went to a work event that night.
I walked out of the hospital, right?
And my wife couldn’t believe it, and the staff couldn’t believe it.
But I was like, “Well, I’ve got a thing to go to. Life doesn’t stop, right?”
You’ve got to listen to your body.
If things are going on inside your body, you’ve got to listen to it.
And I failed to do that.
Oh my God.
You know, I’m listening to that and so many different emotions are going through my head because I’m thinking on the one hand that’s so admirable, which is kind of screwed up in itself, right?
I’m like, wow, he’s so strong, that resilience.
But that’s it, and that’s probably what was going through my head.
Yeah, I’m going to be a big guy about this.
And ridiculous.
But it’s also just that I’m like, well, you’re here to run a business.
That’s what it takes.
You don’t just fall down at the first hurdle.
All that sort of stuff.
You need to learn how to pick yourself up and overcome these really difficult times.
And on the one hand that’s incredibly admirable, but on the other hand it’s incredibly stupid.
Like you said, your leg was four times the size.
I mean, yeah.
No one’s… take a break.
No one.
Enough is enough.
Your body wants you to.
Yeah.
And I got to the event, and as soon as I got there I was like, “This was a mistake.”
And I went straight back to hospital.
It was stupid, right?
But sadly, I think you do get to such a stage where you are in complete and utter denial.
You’re not listening to your body.
You’re not listening to the people you love around you that are telling you to slow down.
Doctors were telling me, “You cannot continue doing what you’re doing. You’re not going to make it to 50.”
But I didn’t listen.
You know, it becomes an obsession, what you’re doing, and that is unhealthy.